wounds
by Tibby Rose
Summary: No. It hurts, and why can't you make it stop? Humphrey, I need you.


_**a/n: i hate chuck, but still, i don't know. read at your own risk, and don't say i didn't warn you. completely unbetaed don't read this if you ship chair or like chuck, it is incredibly anti them. inspired by the quick fanfic, fate wrapped in paper or plastic by flopsyollie.**_

Chuck's anything but a good guy. When she was younger, she believed she could fix him. Heal him. Make him a better person. She doesn't want people to hear the name Chuck Bass and think of a monster. Because he's not, he just broken.

At least that's what she used to believe. But then the pain started, and she realized that Chuck Bass was a bad person, and she couldn't fix him.

Even though she hates everyone and their judging ways, hates the way Serena constantly asks if she's okay, hates the way Nate tries to help her, and hates the way Dan Humphrey is always there for her, they're right. And three words, eight letters won't fix anything.

She can pretend, though. Pretend that three words can fix everything, can make the pain go away. Pretend that it'll get better, and pretend that Chuck will stop hurting her. Pretend that her life will get back on track. Pretend she will have her fairytale ending. Pretend that Chuck will realize what he'd going and stop. She'll just pretend.

_I love you I love you I love you I love you_

...

"How's Chuck?"

It's a simple question, and Blair hates it. Hates the way Dan knows something's wrong, and constantly tries to get it out of her by asking simple questions. Everything is alright. It just needs time. Chuck's stressed right now, but he loves her. Right?

"I don't see how you would care" she replies, fingering the ring on her finger "But he's fine. Stressed, but fine."

"Are you okay?"

_No. It hurts, and why can't you make it stop? Humphrey, I __**need**__ you._

"I'm fine, Cabbage Patch. Why is my personal life so interesting to you anyway?"

_I care about you. Blair, it's not okay. You know it, I know it. It needs to stop._

"You seem different" he replies carefully.

"You don't even know me. We're not even friends" she hisses. It's a lie, but everything in her life is a lie now, so why can't her friendship with Dan be a lie too? "Everything is fine. Stay out of things that don't concern you."

She leaves, because what else is there to do? What does he know?

Nothing, if she has her way. Chuck loves her, he just has a hard time showing it.

...

The first time it happened, he was drunk. He'd had a rough day at work and he needed a drink. She had been pestering him so it wasn't his fault.

_It never is._

But he apologized and kissed it better, and promised her it would never happen again. _I love you Blair I'm sorry We're meant to be together It was a mistake Blair and Chuck Chuck and Blair forever and ever._

But it does. It happens a lot. And he keeps apologizing and kissing and promising and she believes him every damn time.

She remembers when she was Blair Waldorf, Blair Waldorf who would get out of a relationship like that. She would have fought and she would have told Serena because best friends tell each other everything.

But Blair Bass is a different person to Blair Waldorf.

...

"I may not know the Upper East Side, but I'm pretty sure you don't wear coats indoors."

_No, I can't tell you, and I never can, so stop trying._

She turns slowly, forcing that smile on her face and pulling her sleeves down lower.

"I'm cold, Humphrey. You ask way too many questions" she replies primly, though she knows he knows she's lying.

_Do something. You can't, but can you try? Please._

"I'm just worried about you" he reaches out to take her hand, and out of instinct, she jolts away.

"Why can't you accept that I'm okay?" she hisses, eyeing Chuck out of the corner of her eye to make sure he's not watching her.

_It's a lie. It's all a big fat lie._

"Because you're not, Blair. Please."

"Please what, Humphrey? Chuck and I are _very_ happy together."

_No, we're not. It hurts. Why does it hurt?_

"Are you? Blair-"

"I should go" she announces, turning on her heel and going over to Chuck. She smiles at him and she smiles back, trying not to notice he's on his third glass already.

_If she's good, he'll stay happy. And she'll be okay, right?_

She avoids looking at Dan for the rest of the night, because he can see through the lies.

_Do something. Please._

...

"I tripped."

"Blair, we both know that's not true."

She doesn't know what she's doing here, standing at the door of The Loft, pulling the next of her coat higher and keeping her head down so he won't see through the foundation. It's one of the worst nights so far. Chuck had been drinking so much, and she needed to talk to him and it ended badly, just like every other night.

"And what makes you so sure of that?" she prompts, because what else can she do except avoid the topic?

_He could make it better. Dan could make it better. He can keep her safe._

"Because Blair Waldorf doesn't just trip" he replies, taking her hand and leading her inside. It feels good to have her hand held by someone who she doesn't fear will break it. And he called her Waldorf. No one calls her that anymore, and she missed it.

"Well, I guess there's a first time for everything."

He stops, turning to face her "Blair, if he's hurting you-"

_You're getting there. You can save me. Can you save me. Please?_

"Chuck loves me" she cuts across, taking a seat on the couch "Chuck loves me, and I love him. Why else do you think we married?"

"But is he hurting you?"

_Yes. Oh god, yes._

"He gets angry sometimes" she says quickly, as Dan leaves to go to the kitchen "But he loves me. And I love him."

"Blair, you can't stay with him" Dan returns, pressing an ice pack to her cheek.

_Is it really that obvious? Can I stay with you? _

"Why not, Humphrey? Chuck is stressed. It'll stop soon." She's trying to convince herself too. She's seen how people in these relationships end up, but it won't happen to her. Chuck loves her. She knows it, and she has to keep reminding herself that.

"I don't want to see you get hurt."

_So help me. Please._

"Well, at least someone feels that way" she says icily, because she doesn't want to have this talk with Dan. Not now, not ever. "Now if you'll excuse me-"

"Blair, I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Chuck loves me" she stresses, even though she hardly believes it herself anymore.

"Stop defending him."

"Stop trying to play hero, Cabbage Patch. I don't need saving."

_I do. I'm lying. Make the pain go away. Please._

She leaves before he can say another word, because he's getting deeper. He knows and she can't have anyone know. Chuck will get angry and he'll hurt her. She can't tell anyone because everyone asks too many questions. But they never do anything. It's best to keep it quiet, right?

_Lies, lies and lies._

...

She's only with Chuck because it didn't work out with Louis. She didn't love Louis-she loved the idea of him. So she ran, ran back to Chuck because what else was there to do? She had broken off her engagement and her baby never was.

It was easy, back then. They had been Chuck and Blair for years anyhow, so they could fall straight back into being them. She never told him about their unborn child, didn't see the point. Chuck didn't need that. He was busy as it was.

They had only been back together a month when he proposed. She accepted. What else was there to do? She loved him, he loved her, they were Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck. Serena was the Maid of Honour and Nate was the Best Man and it was perfect. She invited to Dan, but he didn't come. It bothered her more than it should of.

They were happy for a while. He gave her everything she wanted and she was there for him when he needed her. They had sex, they went out with friends, they went to parties. It was the way every Upper East Side marriage should be.

But then it started. It wasn't the Chuck that she knew, the Chuck she thought she knew. The Chuck she knew would never hit her. But that was the sober Chuck, and she rarely ever saw him. Instead she saw drunk Chuck, the Chuck that always hurt her.

Before, she didn't want to tell him about their baby because she didn't think it mattered. She didn't want to put even more pressure on Chuck, he was trying to get Bass Industries under control. But she doesn't want to tell him now because she's scared. Scared he'll get drunk and he'll hurt her because he'll be angry.

The problem is, she's not sure if she can lie any longer.

...

"B!" Serena gushes, throwing her arms around Blair's neck and she winces in pain. It hurts. Everywhere. It always hurts, but what is she supposed to do?

_You're my best friend. Why can't you see it? Why can't you help me?_

"S" Blair breathes, because she hasn't been hugged like this in a while. It's been forever since someone's held her with pure affection, and opens old wounds.

But then Serena's gone, and she can hear the blonde squealing Chuck's name, and Blair feels sick to the stomach. Serena should be helping her, not acting as if Chuck's a good guy.

But then Blair remembers, Serena doesn't know.

_But she can still help me. She's my best friend. Please, Serena._

...

Blair's walking around the street, stumbling when she sees Dan next. It happened again, and this time she ran. She doesn't know what's going to happen when she gets back-she's never stood up to him before. Her eye hurts a whole fucking lot though, and she's having trouble seeing through it. She nearly trips, because in heels like these when you can barely see through both eyes, anyone would. But a familiar hand reaches out to steady her, and she fights back tears because the hand is so warm and comforting.

"Blair, what happened?" he asks "And please don't lie to me this time."

"It could've been worse" she states firmly, even though she can feel tears stinging her eyes "It's only my eye."

"Only your eye? Blai-" he reaches out to tilt her head up, and Blair spots the transition in his face from worry to rage.

"This has to stop."

He turns to go back to the building she lives in with Chuck, but she grabs his arm, shaking her head.

"Don't. It will only make the situation worse."

_But can you try? I need you to try. For me._

"You can't let him treat you this way" Dan frowns, taking her hand in his own. It's so comforting and loving, that Blair can't keep the sobs in any longer. She doesn't understand why this is happening to her. She thought Chuck loved her. She thought they were supposed to be together, forever. And Dan shouldn't been comforting her. He should be with Serena. They should be together. But they're not and Blair doesn't understand _why_. Serena would be lucky to have Dan. Dan would never hurt Serena. Not the way Chuck hurts her.

_Make her happy since you can't save me. Please, Dan. I love her. You can't save me. Save her._

He goes to hold her, but she pushes him away. It's not that she doesn't want to do it, but they're so close to the apartment she shares with Chuck, and he could see. If Chuck gets angry about stupid things, he's certainly going to get angry with her for kissing Dan Humphrey.

"I should get back" she says softly, turning to leave, half expecting him to grab onto her and ask her to run away with him. She wants that to happen, but she never gets anything she wants anymore.

"Don't. Please, Blair. I love you."

She stops at the three words that she stopped believing in long ago. Once upon a time, Chuck would tell her that and mean it. He never got drunk and hurt her back then. It seems like a century ago, and it kills Blair inside.

She turns back, slowly, because she'll probably fall for real this time if she turns too fast. She faces him-Dan with his good heart, charming smile and those arms that look like they could make all the pain go away.

But she can't. Not now, not ever.

"Love's a lie" she says quietly, and she wonders if he even heard her. She leaves without seeing his reaction, and it takes all her willpower not to cry again.

_Please._

...

She comes home to find Chuck gone, and she can't tell whether she's relieved or scared. He always come back, but a part of her hopes that one day, he won't. She tiptoes in to the kitchen, just in case he's trying to sleep the alcohol off, because her eye really hurts and she needs an icepack.

She hears the elevator and tries to make herself look as presentable as possible, because maybe Chuck won't be mad at her that way. But it's not Chuck at all, it's Dan.

_You're here. Please help me. Dan, please._

He doesn't say a word as he walks past her, opens the freezer and pulls and icepack out. He doesn't say a word as he takes her hand and leads her to the living room. He doesn't say a word as they sit next to each other and he presses the icepack to her eye.

It's only after a few moments that he speaks.

"Blair, is there anything I can do-"

"No" she says shortly "Nobody can help. And don't do a 'Dan Humphrey' and tell people. No one can fix this Dan. Not you, not Serena, not Nate, not my mother, not your father. No one."

"The pol-"

"They ask too many questions, as does the hospital. Please, Humphrey, I can fix it."

_I can't. You know I can't. Do something, Dan. Anything._

He looks as if he's going to argue, so she leans forwards and kisses him, hoping that'll shut him up. But it's the first time in a while that she's ever felt love, and she doesn't fill digusted by kissing him. It feels nice, for the first time in a while, and she wants to stay this way forever. But she pulls apart, knowing Chuck could come home at any moment.

"Go" she whispers "Please, Cabbage Patch. Go."

_Stay. Please._

He sighs, but she pushes him up, ignoring his protests. She wants him to stay, but she can't let him. Nothing good could come out of it.

The second he's gone, she misses his touch, the way he looks at her. He misses him comforting her, and she misses the way he tried to help her. He can't save her, but Blair knows he's going to try.

...

Chuck comes home, and he's angrier than Blair's ever seen him. His eyes are full of pure rage, and Blair knows it's not good. It's the complete opposite, and she swallows thickly as he storms in, fists clenched and hair ruffled.

"Baby" he spits "There was a baby?"

She closes her eyes as she feels the contact, blinking back tears. Crying makes it worse, and it's bad enough as it is. But, oh god, Chuck knows about the child who never was, and she can't do anything about it.

_Dan, where are you? Please, I need you now. Dan?_

"You lied to me, you slut" he hisses in her ear, clenching her shoulders tightly. She can't help but utter a cry of pain, and he shoves her off the couch, kicking her in the leg once she's fallen.

_Dan, __**please**__._

"Chuck-"

"Why didn't you tell me?" he demands, pulling her up by her neckline, and she squeezes her eyes shut because there's no way she can get out of this. It's the angriest he's ever been, and Blair knows that this time, it's not just the alcohol.

_Where are you? Come save me. I __**need**__ you, more than ever._

He drops her to the ground, and she feels agony all over. If she didn't have bruises up and down her body already, it wouldn't have hurt as much. But she's got purple marks everywhere, and it hurts so bad that she can't keep the tears in. She can practically feel the rage vibrating off him, and she prepares herself for the impact, except, it never comes.

_Dan?_

She hears a punch, but it's not to her. She hears Chuck hit the ground in front of her, and Dan yelling at him. She feels the warmth of her saviour as he leans down beside her, pressing a hand to one of her cheeks.

"Blair" he says slowly, and Blair notices he's been crying "It's okay now. I promise."

For the first time in a while, she believes him.

...

She gets called to court a month after she gets out of hospital. It feels strange to finally take a stand against Chuck, but she feels relief like never before. After hugging her friends and family when she leaves, Dan takes her hand and they catch a cab. They drive to Brooklyn, and the fact that it's all over, and she's no longer Blair Bass because she wasn't going to press charges and remain married to Chuck, makes her feel as if she's floating on air.

When she leans into Dan and his comforting arms and warm body on the way back, she feels as if she's finally home.


End file.
